8 October 2013

Brokencyde - I'm Not A Fan But The Kids Like It

Miley Cyrus has been getting a bad rep recently, due to her onstage antics which involve 'twerking' (IE, shaking your ass whilst bent over. It's an early 90's dance move which was quite popular in the hip-hop community amongst females) whilst wearing not much and for her antics offstage which according to gossips, involve quite a bit of reefers and ecstasy. you know, typical 20-something stuff. Still, I guess that's the breaks with being a former child-star, people expect you to remain young and wholesome forever. You're probably wondering what this has to do with quite frankly the worst band in existence? I'd be way more offended if my daughter came home with this than Miley Cyrus. She's just trying to be Rihanna, harmless.

This however, is the most banal, ridiculous, insipid piece of fucking shit I've ever heard in my fucking life. Honestly, this is so bad, I swear there are inmates in Guantanamo Bay who'd rather be waterboarded repeatedly than listen to this. The worst thing I'd heard since this was a band called Crazy Town (Their best song sampled an awesome bassline from a Red Hot Chilli Peppers song and they STILL fucked it up) but that sounds good next to this load of audio AIDS. First up, the day-glo image. Look at the photo above, those guys look a bit too old to be dressing like that. They look like those older guys who'd hang around high school in a souped-up cortina like they're trying to impress the teenybopper. It looks wrong on so many levels. Ridiculous.

Then there is the 'music'...the backing tracks aren't too bad, if I'm honest. It's just really average pop/techno/electronice sounds. But then we get to the vocals...holy motherfucking hell, they're bad. One guy is whining while being autotuned up the ass, another raps some really basic nursery rhyme stuff with lyrics like "shake it like it's chocolate milk". I'm really not making this up! And they also come up with the lyric "You make my peepee hard". Unbelievable. They even do "One Two Buckle My Shoe" at one point. It was cool when KoRn did it...I swear, this band are gonna end up on Dateline: To Catch A Predator. The blatant combining of sexual themes and childlike stuff has been done in the past, but never as blatant as this, at least not to my knowledge. Oh yeah, and there is a screaming guy in there. It sounds shit.

Going back to the lyrics, the songs are basically about getting laid and clubbing, as you can guess. Pretty much staples of most songs these days but never have they been done so cack-handedly. Not much to say other than they're awful.

Well, that's it. The worst band in history. It also turns out these cunts have a "Best Of..." album, I can't imagine it would be very long. There is other shit out there like Blood On The Dance Floor but these guys take the shit sandwich. Hell, for all I know, they're a spoof-band and it's all a joke. If that's the case, then they REALLY need to get a new joke. I'll leave this blog with an excerpt from a review of this album by the NME - even if I caught Prince Harry and Gary Glitter adorned in Nazi regalia defecating through my grandmother's letterbox I would still consider making them listen to this album too severe a punishment.

0/10 - This is proof there is no God.

Chris J.

You can buy this album on iTunes. Although why you'd want to do that, I've no idea.

(It's the EP version, but it's on this album. Look at them. If these were badgers, I'd support the cull in a fucking heartbeat).

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